Size 35

I have previously blogged about the annoyance of having a 35 inch waist and having to squeeze in to stupidly tight 34 inch pants or get 36 inch pants that instantly fall down and expose my hairy arse crack. Buy a belt people say, but surely in this age of technology we can do better than punching a few holes in a strip of dead cow and strapping it around us.Go on a diet people say, but that would deprive me of one of the main joys of life and would only work for two months before I cleaned out an entire bakery and be faced with the same problem. Surely we can just have pants that fit.

I want to start a clothing label for all those many people who are in between sizes. I will  sell 35 inch pants and size 11 dresses. People will finally feel comfortable and I will become ridiculously rich and buy a stupidly large boat that I never use.