Monday, December 7, 2009

Quade was just confused

Rugby is a confusing game, with lots of laws to remember. Quade Cooper is not a smart man but he has been trying really, really hard to make sense of all those laws. Obviously the coach has been drumming in to him that you can steal so long as you are on your feet and you enter through the gate. Clearly he's taken this message to heart and applied it to his everyday life with a little spot of late night buglary. I think he should be applauded.

I think it would be good to have a reality show called Celebrity Burglar. Each week a new celebrity bursts in to someone's house and makes off with as much jewellery and appliances as possible before the homeowner goes nuts on them. They could be wearing masks Scooby Doo style, which would be pulled off to reveal Kamahl, Ian Thorpe or some chick from Home and Away. It would just be high tension all the way through.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Domestic Violence is Bad

I've often wished I could drive like Tiger but now he wishes he could drive like me. I've missed plenty of fairways but I've never missed the driveway and run into a fire hydrant. Then again, I've never had an angry wife chasing me with a three iron.

I'm not buying the "I was trying to get him out of the car" excuse. I don't know how they do things in Sweden but if I were her I'd try to just open the undamaged doors before smashing the crap out of the car with a golf club.

Tiger was clearly trying to escape domestic violence. In light of what he'd done I think it would be appropriate for her to slap him and maybe even throw a few plates or expensive vases. Golf club violence is however hard to justify. I got hit in the head with a golf club by my sister when I was six and it left a scar that I still have. Now I imagine that Tiger's wife is a fair bit stronger than my sister was when she was three. She could do some serious damage.

I really hope that when Tiger makes his return he has a cool scar like Harrison Ford. I hope he does some domestic violence ads too.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009


I wish I was posh so I could use the word spiffing. It only sounds right if you are posh or if you are Richie Benaud - "spiffing shot that!"