Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Tiger, you're not an addict.

Tiger is a billionaire athlete who spends a lot of nights away from his wife while on tour. He decided to spend a few of those nights screwing other women. It may not be nice that he cheats on his wife but I don't believe that means he has a psychological problem and needs to be locked away in a clinic for months. Everything these days gets blamed on psychological problems which are bullshit. Kids don't have ADHD - they are just annoying little shits that need a good firm talking too. People aren't fat because of a compulsive eating disorder - they're just greedy. Tiger's not a sex addict. He just likes to fuck.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Lowest Prices are Just the Beginning

I’ve thought about starting a business next door to Bunnings Warehouse. It would be called Bunnings Whorehouse and it would be staffed by the same unspectacular looking people as on the Bunnings ads. All the workers in my whorehouse would however be very Aussie and quite excited about tools. I’d do special prices for tradies and there would be heaps of parking for utes. There would have a sausage sizzle out the front. You’d leave feeling a little bit dirty and ripped off.


Yesterday I saw a young man running down King Street in a manner that suggested fairly strongly that he had stolen something. You see, the style of his run wasn’t that of a typical jogger - it was more like Ussain Bolt had suffered a bout of diarrhoea and was frantically looking for a toilet. The other giveaway was that he was holding something rather large under his shirt as he pissbolted past the other pedestrians.

Sadly I was driving at the time and could do little more than cast disapproving glances at him as we travelled down the street in the same direction. I really think it would have been fun to tackle the bastard and leave him lying flat on the footpath. After all, it’s been ages since I played my last game of rugby and I’m sure I’ve got a lot of bottled up aggression I could take out on someone like that. The fairly narrow footpaths would mean it would be hard for him to get in a sidestep and because he was holding something under his shirt he couldn’t fend on his left side. I’ve also bulked up a bit since the playing days so I reckon I could put a pretty good hit on.

I quite like the idea of vigilante justice. If more people were prepared to smash the crap out of thieves perhaps there would be less thieving. The general public would also feel happier because they have had the chance to take their anger out on some low down druggo thief. Our society has just become far too soft when no one on a 300 metre stretch of King Street is prepared to do as much as stick out a foot to trip up a fast moving thief. Where are the heroes?