Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Humpty Dumpty makes sense

Why did an egg choose to sit on a wall? Surely eggs should sit in egg cups or in egg trays or nests where they have adequate measures to prevent them from rolling. Humpty's decision is ridiculous and caused an unnecessary waste of taxpayer funds. His decision was almost as dumb as the decision to use all the king's horses and all the king' men to try and reconstruct Humpty.

As a kid this nursery rhyme seemed utterly stupid but now I realise it makes perfect sense. I think it was a comment of the propensity of people to do all sorts of stupid irrational things and the propensity of government to do even dumber things.

Our government is basically a bunch of big Clydesdales with superglue, eggshells and bits of yolk stuck to their hooves. If we used all the horses and men more smartly we might get somewhere.

Thursday, February 12, 2015


in 1975 advertising executive Gary Dahl came up with the idea of the pet rock. He took a bunch of rocks from a building supply store costing 1 penny each, packaged them up and sold them for a huge profit. He was soon a millionaire.
40 years on Bunnings seems to think they can sell an ordinary rock for $5 without even bothering with the  packaging or clever re-purposing.

Seeing a $5 rock for sale I really wished Vincent Vega from Pulp Fiction was at Bunnings to do a tweaked version of the whole $5 shake conversation. 

I also wished that this was one of the things they put on their ads with the happy jingle in the background. The ad could go something like this: Ordinary fucking rock $4.96.... Bag of horse shit $12.38..... Half dead pot of basil $7.99.... Bunnings Warehouse - we're lowest prices are just an illusion, because we know there are idiots out there who will cough up $5 for an ordinary fucking rock. 

Thursday, February 5, 2015

blue and white dry cleaners

I don't do much dry cleaning. I prefer wearing singlets and shorts and occasionally some less than flattering lycra. That's why I was gobsmacked by the price when I dropped off my wife's jacket to the local dry cleaner. I was in fact so gobsmacked that I used the word "gobsmacked", which I haven't used in a very, very long time.

Looking around the front of the place I couldn't see any signage telling me their pricing structure. This was not a good sign. In my experience places which avoid telling you their prices are going to charge you a stupidly large amount and leave you feeling quite violated.

My other clue that told me this place was going to be frightfully expensive was that the people behind the counter were not Asian. Asian stores are always the best. From fixing your computer, to cooking really tasty food or cleaning your clothes, Asians generally do it way better and for half the price. The last time I went to a dry cleaner it was an Asian one and he charged $6 or something which seemed pretty reasonable for exposing himself to all those mysterious, strange smelling dry cleaning chemicals. Even the Asian dry cleaner in fancy-pants Mosman advertises three items for $18.

So how much did it cost for one little jacket at blue and white dry cleaners?


When I got the ticket it seemed more like a ransom note. I'm surprised it wasn't written with little letters cut out from a magazine. If I don't pay up immediately suspect I might get another note with a severed button.