Thursday, May 21, 2015

The way to actually win against terrorism

Our country is obsessed with buying multi-billion submarines and fighter planes to stop terrorism. It's like buying a rocket launcher to stop flies.

What you really need to stop terrorism are accountants, computer nerds and advertising people.

A team of forensic accountants could work out were terrorist groups were getting their funding and cut it off. Computer nerds could break into their social media, take down all their propaganda and disrupt their communication. Advertising people could create alternate propaganda.

I like the idea of creating fake profiles of IS fighters in which they are all just a bit daggy and annoying. People can be okay with the whole decapitation thing but if someone is wearing socks and sandals they are far more likely to be put off. I'd have some Cliff Richard music playing in the background of the videos and show them eating home brand tinned fish. No one would want to go and fight for them then.

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Who needs income management?

It seems we are very worried that aboriginals in remote communities will do stupid things with their welfare cheque. Without income management they might fritter it all away on booze, smokes and gambling.

But what about the people who do really stupid things with their money? Should we have income management for the super-rich? It seems to me that if someone is willing to piss away $160 million on a painting they should be judged not competent and have the government control their spending. We could stop people buying polluting private jets, caviar from critically endangered sturgeon and all those ivory back scratchers.

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Microphones are the wrong shape

When we wanted to fly we looked at birds and came up with aeroplanes. When we wanted things to stick together we looked at burrs and came up with Velcro. When we wanted to capture sound I imagine the scientists looked at ears. So when they invented the microphone how come they came up with something which looked like a dick?

I'm guessing they were just having a big laugh.

As scientists I imagine they weren't fond of politicians, singers and other celebrity wankers who were likely to be using microphones. They spent the rest of their lives rolling around laughing at all these people with their mouths millimetres away from big metal cocks.

Microphones should really be in the shape of an ear and probably not a human ear because our hearing is pretty crap. I reckon something in the shape of a fox ear is bound to work pretty well. It would take a while before people got used to fox ear shaped microphones, but it would make way more sense.