Monday, November 28, 2011

Religion vs. Santa

Believing in Santa becomes a bit ridiculous after you turn about eight. The idea of some overweight old dude flying around the world thanks to magic reindeers, shimmying down a few million chimneys and making it back to the North Pole without having a heart attack or getting his red suit filthy with soot just doesn't add up.

At the same time I was learning about Santa I also learned about Jesus. This guy could convert water to wine and wine to blood. He could walk on water, feed large crowds of people, heal the sick and rise from the dead. Like Santa he also had the ability to know if I'd been bad or good but he was somehow even more magic.

When I came to realise Santa was bullshit I got to thinking the miracles of Jesus might be some elaborate made up stories too. For some reason however there were lots of grown ups who seemed to believe in Jesus. It was like they were crushed by the utter disappointment of Santa not being real and couldn't face another magic man being exposed.

I think I'd be more inclined to believe in Jesus if there wasn't the possibility he was just a magician who was ahead of his time. I also might be more inclined to believe in Jesus if I hadn't been lied to about Santa.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

What to be scared of

People are incredibly scared of things which will probably never effect them. Paedophiles, terrorists and sharks all frighten the bejesus out of people but do harm to a minute number of people.

What we should be scared of are all the things which are normal. Normal may be spending the vast majority of your waking hours working. Normal may be finishing your day with three hours of shit tv because you can't be bothered to think after working for ten hours straight. Normal may be downing ten beers every Friday night because at least it means you are not spending the night watching crappy TV. Normal may be driving your kids to school in a big 4 wheel drive because you are worried about paedophiles. Normal may be knocking on people's doors to try to try to make them believe in the same god as you. Normal may be wearing tights to the shopping centre even though you are grossly overweight and everyone can see your bits wobbling underneath that overstretched bit of spandex.

The scary thing about things which are normal is that they just gradually become part of your life. Because other people think they are normal you come to accept them no matter how crap or ridiculous they are. Society makes you scared of not being normal.

We need to be brave and judge things on good or bad, rather than normal or not normal. Normal can be pretty fucked up.

Why didn't Doogie Howser tell me that in his little computer journal?

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

The library

The rise of e-books means libraries are going the same way as video stores. So what are all those shelves going to be filled with once people start downloading stuff? I really think they need to diversify.

Wouldn't it be cool if you could borrow a kayak? How awesome would it be if you could drop in to the library prior to your party and pick up a punch bowl? I have no idea what you use an angle grinder for but I'd love to know that if I needed one I could avoid a trip to Bunnings and get it free from the library.

It wouldn't be hard to get it started. People have loads of stuff that they rarely use that is just taking up space. Surely you could part with that fondue set if you knew you could pick it up at any time should you have a desire to eat things on skewers coated in four types of melted cheese.

Fancy dress parties would be way easier if you could just go to the library and get a Spiderman outfit. You could wear a different outfit every week. It would be ace.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Piano Man

When I was in high school I had to sing in the rugby choir. I don't know why we had a rugby choir but I think it might have been some sort of punishment for people in the rugby team beating up people in the choir. I think we had two songs in our repertoire - Waltzing Matilda and Billy Joel's Piano Man.

There is a lyric in that song which has me a little flummoxed.

Paul is a real estate novelist who never had time for a wife.

What the hell is a real estate novelist? I spend my whole life writing about real estate but the most you will get out of me is a few hundred words on a luxury waterfront or a news article on the state of the market. How do you do a whole novel and what on earth happens in a real estate novel? Once you've built a house it pretty much just stands there for the next couple hundred years. It just doesn't sound like a very interesting plot for a book.

Why doesn't Paul have time for a wife? Is that a euphemism for Paul being gay? I mean he is talking to Davy who's still in the navy and probably will be for life. Perhaps Paul is just really dedicated to his real estate novel writing and doesn't want to a waste a spare minute with some wife looking for keys in her handbag, fussing about home improvements or babbling on about something unrelated to his key interest of real estate.

Maybe I need to send Billy Joel a letter.