Wednesday, September 14, 2011


Poor design is annoying and it is particularly annoying when it is centred in a very prominent position, right between your legs. The engineering on the penis is commendable - all that hydraulics and the ability to dispense two liquids through the one tube is pretty awesome. The final design does however have some major flaws. The vinyl car seat factor - Remember those sweaty summer days when you had to peel yourself off the back seat of the kingswood? All too often I'm trying to walk around with that same sensation in my scrotum. This sticky, stretchy bit of skin is stuck to my leg or folded over in some sort of uncomfortable origami swan. Despite how uncomfortable all us menfolk are no doubt feeling, the laws of society just don't permit us to readjust while waling down the street. It's torture. The little deaf kid factor - Once when I was in year 8 this little deaf kid came up to me at the bus stop and kicked me square in the nuts for no reason. It was ridiculously frickin painful. Surely if something is that susceptible it should be hidden away or padded, not left in the way of cricket balls and the flying Doc Martens of psycho deaf kids. The elephant man factor - It's not pretty is it? Who ever thought girls would be turned on by something which if dangly, hairy, slightly lopsided, with a whole lot if veins running through it? It's as though God was playing a cruel practical joke and just didn't want us to have sex. I think it would be awesome if penis 2.0 would come out. A sleek new design with internal balls, caramel tasting ejaculate and WiFi.

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