Friday, July 10, 2009

Rooting Tennis Players Gives You Awesome Powers

If you want to achieve anything in life find a former female world number one tennis player and get it on with her. Apparently their pink bits are filled with some magic elixir that will transform you in to a total winner. The evidence is overwhelming.

1. Andre Agassi was completely crap when he was going out with Brooke Shields but as soon as he started doing Stephie Graff he became awesome and won all the majors.
2. When Lleyton Hewitt was engaged to Kim Clijsters he was world number one. He then stopped indulging in tennis pussy and went for soap star pussy instead. Since then he has been completely useless.
3. The Shark had pretty much done nothing in golf for ten years, then Chris Evert came along and at the age of 53 he suddenly came second in the British Open. (Sadly tennis pussy isn’t quite powerful enough to overpower the tendency to choke in the last round.)

The Shark is Adam Scott’s mentor. Years ago he gave him his caddie and I believe that recently he may well have even offered Chris Evert up. Wisely Adam Scott heeded the advice about tennis pussy but decided to go for a younger model and is now getting it on with Anna Ivanovic. Last I heard he was also leading the Scottish Open.

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