hairdressers have got it all wrong

How would you like it?

Shorter - that's why I fucking came here.

Why do we ever have to hear this question? Most men maintain pretty much the same haircut for decades. We just want it back to how it was five weeks ago when we last came in. It should be simple.

I'd suggest that after finishing the haircut the hairdresser take a picture of my head. When I come back in in five weeks time they can refer to it and do the same thing again.

Currently I go to a Korean hairdresser which makes things interesting because when they ask me how I'd like it I have to mime scissors and chop away at bits of my hair. While this is kind of amusing, the really good bit of them having terrible English is that I don't have to have some awkward conversation with them.

For a while I went to a kiwi barber and we just talked about rugby which was fine. However the last time I went to a white hairdresser he pretty much spent the whole time spouting the views of Alan Jones, while also commenting on how much he liked Asian chicks every time an Asian chick walked past the shop (which was pretty often considering his shop was in Chatswood).

I also dislike having to stare into a mirror for twenty minutes - particularly if I'm hungover and look like shit. They should replace the mirror with a TV screen which plays me a sitcom or a mountain biking video or something. As it was yesterday I got bored looking at myself and spent most of the time checking out my hairdresser's amazing scissor holster. It was white leather, held six scissors and had a big diamante on it.  

While there wasn't the awkwardness of talking there was still awkwardness. You see, I think the hairdresser started to think I was checking out his package, when I was in fact trying to determine how many scissors his awesome scissor holster held.

My favourite hairdresser was a place I used to visit in the Hunter Arcade called "As you like it". They gave you beer and sports magazines while you waited. They had a radio up loud to avoid the need for awkward conversation and there was often a bit of cleavage showing so at least you had something to look at in the mirror. They also gave you a head massage at the end. All that for $12. I wish they were still in business.