Tuesday, April 29, 2014

12 billion bucks

I don't understand why it is a budget priority to suck America's cock. This is no doubt why we are buying ridiculously expensive war planes. But it is not just the cock-sucking or the ludicrous waste of money that is the problem.

The real problem with owning such fancy toys is that having spent so much money, people in power are then more inclined to use them. I can just imagine the call from the US President in a couple of years. "Hi little buddy, you've got some really fucking fancy planes just sitting there. How about we go bomb some shit?" I'm guessing that's pretty much what happened in the last couple of wars.

New Zealand has wisely avoided wasting too much money on stuff like this. As a result the US is generally happy if they contribute a few lamb roasts to any war effort.  

If we really do want to bomb some shit I also question whether we need planes which cost a few hundred million a pop. For just a few hundred bucks you can buy a drone from a hobby shop - strap some bombs to that and voila, you've just achieved the same goal.

As much as anyone dislikes terrorists, you would have to say they are getting far better bang for their buck than Western governments. When they want to blow something up they generally spend a little money on liquid fertiliser and a little more on a beat-up old van. That's way more economical than a $12 billion fleet of planes.

Thrifty, nimble terrorists are always pretty good at fighting big expensive war machines. They are pretty much like annoying flies buzzing around the room and we are like Chief Wiggum trying to shoot these flies with a gun. The result is lots of big holes in the wall and no reduction in flies.

Of course, people will tell us that the big threat we are guarding against is not terrorists but an invasion by China. Why would they bother invading us? They already own a good proportion of our country and they could easily buy the rest without the trouble of a war. We hardly even charge them any tax on what their state owned mining companies dig up.

If we are going to piss our money away let's not do it on fighter planes. We should choose something far more fun. I say we develop more giant sculptures like the big banana, but we make them really fucking big (like the Mona Lisa, the big banana is currently a bit of a disappointment). Let's make it 300 metres tall and put a slide down it. How brilliant would that be?

Then we could probably put a big cock in Canberra. Oh, that's right, we already did...

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