Annoying Apple

I just sent this email to the product development people at iPhone. Hopefully they can come up with something.

I am hoping you can help me with a problem that I have long had with my phone. You see, I like to wear skinny jeans but when I put my wallet and keys in the pockets I just can’t cram a phone in there without walking funny.

I developed a really good solution to this problem when I strapped the phone to my pet parrot Percy. I would walk down the street and Percy would fly above me or perch on my shoulder carrying my phone. When I sat in the beer garden of the pub he would perch in the tree above and when the phone rang he would fly down so I could answer it. It worked really well. After a bit of training I got Percy to the point where he could answer the phone and repeat what the person on the other end was saying. I’d hear him say “Frosty here, wanna play golf?” or some such and I would yell out “yeah mate” and then Percy would repeat it then hang up. This worked out well for me because I like short conversations. It also worked out much better for Percy because he was quite old and flying up and down from the tree made him tired, especially with the extra weight of the phone.

Sadly one day when we were coming back from the pub a big mean alley cat spied Percy and decided to have a swipe at him. Percy started to fly away but because of the weight of the phone he couldn’t really go that fast or high and the alley cat attacked him, killing him and getting blood and feathers all over my phone.

I was thinking that perhaps you guys could build a flying phone so that I can still wear my skinny jeans and not have to carry my phone. Or maybe you can just build a lighter phone that’s easier for a bird to carry.