Friday, July 11, 2014

How Celine Dion can bring peace to the Middle East

If the leaders of Israel and Palestine happen to be reading this blog here are a few helpful suggestions.

Instead of burning a child alive you could buy that child an ice cream. Instead of firing rockets over the wall you could use those fireworks where the love hearts pop out at the end.

And wouldn’t it be much nicer to get out of that big scary tank and ride a pretty bike with streamers on the handles? While you are at it you could get out of those hideous military fatigues and slip into a nice paisley shirt or a lovely floral dress.

Perhaps instead of those ugly ten metre tall walls with snipers on the top you could just have a row of daisies to designate the border.

You could replace rocks with confetti, machine guns with bubble guns and bazookas with boom boxes that blast out Celine Dion. Everyone hates Celine Dion and that would give you some common ground to bond over. 

Sure it may all sound ridiculous but I'm sure all these suggestions beat being complete fuckwits forevermore. What's the point of having your own land if you turn it into a violent shithole?

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