Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Doing for fencing what Packer did for cricket

At the Olympics fencing has become a fairly tame affair. Previously I've suggested some changes to it to make it a little more theatrical. It seems quite obvious the whole thing should not be staged in a bland hall but rather in a grand manor with chandeliers to swing from and priceless vases to trip over.

I don't think that  goes far enough though. I would like them to swap their pissy little swords  for live full size swordfish. Just imagine the spectacle of a man trying to cling to a slimy, thrashing three metre long fish whilst also trying to direct that fish into his opponent and avoid getting poked in the eye. I'd watch that.

People will no doubt object on the grounds that is cruel but we could always substitute real fish with mechanical ones. Millions of those Big Mouth Billy Bass singing fish have been produced before so it is proven technology.

We could even have the fish singing while the event was going on. For improved visuals I'd recommend making the pointy bit on the fish all fluoro like a light-sabre and have the opponents wear suits which light up on contact.


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