"we're all going on a summer holiday". No we are fucking not. It's autumn, I'm in Woolworths and I'm trying to decide between frangipani, sandalwood and jasmine or ylang ylang and vanilla hand wash. I don't even know what the fuck a ylang ylang is. And how is body wash different from hand wash? And why can't we just use normal soap? Let's get rid of these 60 racks of specially formulated bullshit and just have bars of Sunlight soap for when you are feeling a bit povo and Imperial Leather for when you are feeling posh. And let's have it without fucking Cliff Richard reminding me that my next holiday is nine months away.
Super happiness should not be thrust upon anyone. When I see those commercials with the super smiley people dancing around with their big red hands singing about how prices are down it doesn't make me feel happy. It mostly makes me want to hit them in the teeth. It also makes me sad that the actors had to give up that little bit of their soul to earn a few bucks that they will end up spending at a cut-price liquor store owned by the same corporation as they develop inevitable alcohol abuse problems following merciless teasing from anyone who knows them.
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