I saw a fish jump out of the water three times in a row and it got me thinking – why the hell would he do that? My first theory was that it was just sick of being wet. My second theory was that it was just showing off. My third theory was completely stupid.
I thought maybe that fish was trying to be like Michael Hutchence. Sadly Michael’s attempt to partially asphyxiate himself while whacking off went a little awry when he stopped breathing completely and make things really awkward for the hotel cleaning lady. Fish can’t really breathe very well out of water and I think this one, like Michael, was just attempting some extreme masturbation.
If you’ve ever caught a fish chances are it was doing the same. None of them are really fooled by your half frozen prawn dangling from the end of a line. They bite into that thing so they can lie there in the sun on the warm deck of your tinny, gasping for air and flapping their fins over their sensitive bits. Some of them get thrown back and they tell all their fish mates how good it was and that’s the only reason anyone ever catches a fish.