Roger Federer I sacrificed myself for you. I stayed up way past my bed time to watch you whilst drinking more beers than is now officially regarded as healthy. So how do you repay me? I’d have thought it reasonable that you win, match the record of Sampras and put a big smile on the dial of your ugly fat-faced girlfriend. Instead you perform pathetically and lose in five sets. You disappoint me, just like the Shark disappointed me every time he teed up at Augusta. You suck.
I would become a Nadal fan but I just can’t respect a man who spends 20% of time on court picking his undies out from his crack. Surely Pat Rafter could have a word to him about the very comfortable products on offer from Bonds. I suspect that despite his fortunes Nadal is a cheapskate who purchases underwear in a ten pack from Best & Less. Splash out man!
To be universally regarded as the best player ever Roger needs to win two more majors, including the French. Clearly he will never do this while he is playing the man in the Best & Less undies. As I see it, the solution is a Tonya Harding style pre-emptive strike. All it will take is one thug and one clean strike of a pipe upon Rafa’s leg, just before Paris. He will be out for the French and Wimbledon and Roger will coast through. Roger should then retire, dump the beast and get himself the awesome supermodel girlfriend he deserves.